Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The "Princess Predicament"

There are 3 kinds of people in my life. Crazy people, sane people, and those who think they are sane, but are indeed, BAT-POOP BONKERS.  I'd like to address the latter. The first two are interesting, to be sure. However THEY are not who I am addressing today.

I am addressing grown women who insist on being treated like "princesses" (excuse me, while I vomit). Not the Disney kind... the "Jersey" kind. Grown women who are demanding and selfish and completely consumed with themselves.  They rant about being "disrespected" by the "stupid cashier" who wouldn't return their (obviously worn) sweater, because it didn't have tags on it and she didn't have a receipt.  They use their minions as their audience, to excite them and give them more courage to be, (if possible) more arrogantly annoying.

Don't get me wrong, as a woman, I am all about people treating me with respect.  I love it when my husband opens doors for me or offers me his coat if the weather turns cold and I didn't think to bring a jacket.  I adore that my husband insists that our kids speak kindly to me even if they're mad at me.  I light up inside when he argues in defense of my cause! I love being treated like a lady!

However, I'm curious as to how we got this whole generation of entitled, manipulating, mediocre minded women???  How is this possible?  I blame the parents. I knew how to do my own laundry be the time I was 10 years old.  Wash. Dry. Fold. Put away.  The whole 9 yards.  Then how is it, that so many of my friends didn't know how to do their own laundry when they got to college?  The answer is simple. They weren't taught.  I believe the princess predicament stems from the same problem.  These women were not taught as children that these, naturally child like qualities, were unacceptable in adults. Perhaps their parents wanted to keep their kids as little as possible for as long as possible.  Or maybe their parents wanted to purchase their children's love through something less valuable than mutual respect. After all, mutual respect is a long a difficult sentiment to instill in a child.  Many times you can't reap the rewards of your efforts until the child has grown up.  But the instantaneous results of giving in to a tantrum, or doing things for our kids that they can clearly do for themselves, will always feel better in the moment.  Children who grow up with out being taught coping mechanisms are a burden to society.  Regardless of the motivations behind producing a child who will grow up and act like a princess, I feel I know the cause... Lazy and insecure parenting.  Giving in to a child so they will love you today, but not respect you tomorrow is a slippery slope.

So right about now, you're probably wondering what the difference between "princess" and  "lady" is... Well, I'll tell you.

Qualities of a "Princess"...

  • Vain
  • Selfish
  • Throws childish tantrums when she doesn't get her way.
  • Blames others for her mistakes.
  • Insecure
  • Jealous of those who have more than she does.
  • Always wants to be the center of attention.
  • Uses lies and manipulation to get her way.
  • Won't help her friends succeed, in fear that they will surpass her.
  • Assumes everyone should cater to her every whim. 

Qualities of a "Lady"...

  • Kind 
  • Thoughtful
  • Charitable
  • Looks for ways to serve others.
  • Shows respect for other people's time, talents and resources.
  • Is grateful for all that she has.
  • Is honest, but not hurtful.
  • Is happy to help others succeed in their endeavors.
  • Has a personal motto of:  "If you make a mess, clean it up.  If you see a mess, clean it up." (and applies this line of thinking to every aspect of her life).
As the mother of a beautiful darling daughter and 2 totally awesome boys, I have a vested interest in the next generation being prepared for REAL LIFE!  I am raising my children understand that they are special and an important part of our family with something unique to offer the world.  However I am also raising them to understand that the world is a very big place and they are not the only people in it.  Respect for others is always emphasized in our home.  I hope for their sake that other people are raising their kids with the same type of confidence.  I know that my kids won't always LIKE me, but they will always LOVE me, and that is why I owe them this education while they live in my home.  I would hate for them to have to get this lesson from the world, because it's not always as kind as a mother would be.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Getting to know me, getting to know ALL about me...

Last night after 2 whole days of worry and anxiety about circumstances completely out of my control I started to think about who I was 10 years ago and who I am now.  10 years ago I would have been a crying mess curled up in a ball on my bed with the lights off and the ringer on the phone turned off.  But yesterday I found myself vacantly going through the motions of cleaning up and taking care of my kids while also getting dinner ready, and it hit me... I am a better person because of my kids.  
Don't get me wrong, my husband has also contributed to my current state of awesomeness (wink, wink) - but there is something to be said for just getting up and going through the motions because somebody is depending on you.  Some days I struggle and some days are fine, while other days I enjoy every passing moment as an individual piece of joy.  After each of my kids were born I struggled with PPD and I think it will be a struggle I will always have. Something I've learned from my kids, is that not everybody experiences everything in exactly the same way. You would think that would be obvious to anybody with a normal amount of compassion, but I do not have a normal amount of compassion.  I am very hard on myself and I don't easily show emotion.  I have all too often held others to the same standards I judge myself by.  I was raised by a mother who constantly quoted Emily Post... if you don't know who that is, you're missing out and you MUST "Google" her immediately!  I was taught social propriety from a very young age. My grammar was constantly corrected and table settings and manners were mastered by the time I was 7 years old.  As a child I was always told that "Children are to be seen, but not heard."  Am I a perfectionist... perhaps.  I have always had a very difficult time talking to anybody about emotions.  When people scream, I shut down and will not communicate with them (screaming at someone shows a HUGE lack of respect, and I refuse to endure it). When I see people cry my instinct is to walk away from them. Crying is private and unless I'm invited to speak to them, I want to leave them to it.  My kids have taught me that no invitation is required to comfort one in need... however, my first instinct is always to RUN.  But, my point is, that my children have taught me that just "going through the motions" can help you become a better person. Even on days when all I want to do is curl up in a ball under my covers and cry the day away, just going through the motions makes all the difference.

And these are the little KRAZIES I do it all for... Can you blame me? They're adorable! And I'm proud to be their mama! : D


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm so OLD!!!

My current bed time is now 8:30 pm. It's taken me a while to come to terms with this, but I am now okay with it. I have somewhere along this road turned into a responsible parent. My greatest joy is that I never saw it coming. I just lived my life and made the choices that were most beneficial for my little family. I love them and they love me. My 4 year old has told me at least six times today already that i'm "AWESOME". Granted. He's very easily impressed with my ability to open string cheese and find toys that are sitting right in front of him, but if that makes me awesome in his eyes, I'm grateful.
So far today, the baby is sick, the 5 year old is now home from Kindergarten and the dog has run away and been returned by a friendly neighbor... twice. Not my best day, but not my worst either. All 3 kids are alive and happy as they sit with the dog in the family room and watch "Phinneas & Ferb". I have somehow found a few moments of quiet to sit and write this entry. I know it's probably coming across a little disjointed and unorganized, but hey, that's my life and I'm okay with it! I pick my battles and my house isn't always completely put together, but my family is happy and we have great memories to share. I love this awesome family I belong to!

Friday, October 1, 2010

"What Wouldn't I Do For My Sister?"

I am the youngest of 4 girls. When I was 12 years old my 13 year old sister was diagnosed with turner's syndrome. At that time she was told that she would not be able to have children of her own due to the deteriorated conditions of her ovaries. The turner's syndrome had caused them to atrophy at a very young age and by the time the doctors had diagnosed my sister, her ovaries had virtually disappeared and been re-absorbed into the surrounding tissue.

Ever since I was 12 years old I have contemplated what I might do for my sister. What lengths I would go to in order to help her have children. At that time the science surrounding infertility was very underdeveloped and we could only hope that advancements would be made so that she might have her shot at motherhood. Adoption was always a good option. There are so many babies that need parents and my sister would make an excellent mother to many of them.

As we all grew up and got married we still carried with us the silent question in our hearts, "what am I willing to do for my sister?" Things were more complicated now. We had husbands to consider. How would they feel about this issue? Would they be as willing as we all were to help our sister achieve motherhood. My sisters and I always knew we would be willing to donate our eggs and when the time came for this to happen, I was pregnant with my third child so the opportunity came to my oldest sister.

She dutifully gave herself injections and survived tornado style mood swings from all of the extra hormones in order to donate her eggs. On the day of the egg retrieval they preformed an ultrasound on my other sister. She had a mass on her cervix and they would have to preform surgery to remove it before they could implant the embryos. It was a devastating disappointment to all of us. It was just two days after my third child was born, and although I was happy for my little family, my heart ached for my sister.

I am a religious person, and if that offends anyone who reads this, that is not my intention, but I do not apologize for it. The moment I got off the phone with my sister after hearing about all the obstacles that had just been encountered that day, I bowed my head in prayer. I know that our Maker loves his children on earth and that He weeps when we weep. I also know that more often than not, He answers our prayers through the actions of others. Instead of praying to my Heavenly Father and asking him "Why?" I came right to the point, and asked him the question that had been on my mind since I was 12 years old. "What am I willing to do for my sister?"

The answer came to me as soon as the words had left my lips. Perhaps because I already knew the answer deep in my heart, or perhaps because my feelings we still so tender toward motherhood as I laid in the hospital with my newborn baby by my side. Whatever the reason, I made up my mind at that point, and I have not swayed from my decision since. I would offer to be a surrogate for my sister.

They would use my oldest sister's eggs and my infertile sister's husband's sperm to create the embryos and I would carry the pregnancy. When I made the offer to my sister, she was surprised, due to the amount of morning sickness I experience, that I would be willing to go through all of that and then give the baby to her and her husband. She accepted my offer, but assured me it would be a last resort, as they were still trying to get her pregnant. However after her surgery to remove the mass on her cervix and other ultrasounds procedures revealed that her uterus would not be capable of sustaining a pregnancy, it was time for last resorts.

This is my story from my point of view. This is an amazing opportunity for me to do this selfless act for my sister and her husband. Although I'm sure I will experience the same amount, if not worse, morning sickness throughout this pregnancy, I know that each trip to the toilet and every bucket filled is an expression of my unconditional love for my sister and my brother-in-law.

Becca and Dan, I love you guys! Here we go...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My PERFECT day...

It would go something like this...
10:30 am - Wake up to an ice cold diet mountain dew that tastes just like regular mountain dew (because it's like crack cocaine to me... not the diet, the regular, but I never drink it because of the sugar).
10:45 am - Get on the scale and realize I've lost 20 Lbs in my sleep! (AWESOME!)
11:00 am - Turn on the T.V. and find that there is an all day marathon of Ian Sommerhalder movies/shows on.
9:00 pm - get a foot rub from my HOT husband for about an hour.
10:00 pm - go to bed and dream about either Twilight or Harry Potter, but mosty just Cedric Diggory in any form.

There is my PERFECT day.

Friday, February 19, 2010

"Buyer Beware..."

At some point in our lives we've all been told to "look around for a better deal" or, "be patient and wait for the right "thing" to come along." This is all fine and dandy when you're talking about cars or furniture, but what happens when you're dealing with people. Are we really supposed to keep to that advice? I should wait for someone less damaged and better maintained? Well I can't subscribe to that philosophy, so I made up my own...

"EVERYONE IS CRAZY! Everyone is damaged and everyone lies."

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Wow, this chick is really pessimistic!" On the contrary. I believe that if we stop having such unrealistic expectations of perfection from one another, we can actually begin the process of being happier and more fulfilled in our relationships.

Let me explain my theory more fully.
Everyone is crazy...
Okay, this one is kind of self explanatory. We all have something or someone in our lives that makes us feel judged or incompetent, regardless of whether or not that thing or person intends to make us feel that way. We all have moments when we want to scream out loud into the great void of the universe and ask "WHY!", as if we will receive an answer, and would we even like the answer if we got one? We would probably just think the universe was being judgemental too. How often do you have conversations in your head? Either before a confrontation or after, editing and altering what you could have, should have or would have said. Personally, I do this a lot.
Everyone is damaged...
Bullies, learning disabilities, embarrassing moments, poverty, loss, abuse, death... the list goes on and on. These types of personal experiences leave scars that can burn for years and sometimes never heal. How then, do we get up in the morning and go through the farce that is life? We cope. We suck it up. We "handle" it. As we get older and time fades the vibrant pain of memory, we begin to move forward, but we never forget. It becomes a part of who we are and we cannot offer any piece of ourselves to anyone without sharing a little bit of this thing that has altered us. We may move forward from the pain. We should move forward from it, but we will never forget the education that was gained from the scar left behind.
Everyone lies...
"Honey, does this make my butt look big?" Really? Do I really want the answer to that question? I have found that 100% of the time, his answer will be what he thinks I want to hear, which is "NO WAY! there's no way you could look fat!" Most of the time he will say this without even looking at me. However, he has gotten better at lying to me and now makes sure I see him look me up and down and THEN he gives me the stock answer I'm looking for. The truth is I want him to lie to me or I just wouldn't ask. I've had 3 kids and I'm 40 pounds heavier than when we got married. Of course my but looks big!!! However, he loves me very much, and so he lies. Just because a person lies, doesn't make them evil. It is the motivation behind the lie that defines the person's character. A lie told spare some one's feelings is permissible. A lie told to save your own butt is trickier. It can have a snowball effect and most of the time you need either an alibi or an accomplice to maintain such a lie. You should become familiar with the term "One lies and the other on swares by it." Lies told to ruin someone or to elevate your social status makes you not only a JERK, but also evil. These kinds of lies are heartless and not welcome in civilized society. Just because your crazy, doesn't mean you have to be vicious. I've had the unfortunate opportunity to know my share of this breed of crazy. The only thing I can say is to distance yourself from them in any possible way. Physically, socially, emotionally. Always be careful with this kind of crazy. Never share anything personal with them, and be sure to portray a demeanor of complete content in their presence. This kind of crazy preys on people in moments of weakness and will twist and mutilate versions of the truth until they obey their wicked agenda. Okay, so I feel really strongly about the liar, but you know what, you should too! These are the type of crazy people who give all of us "normal" crazy people a bad name when we're caught in our little white lies. I mean really, who's world am I wrecking when I lie to my friend about how amazing her cooking is, when really it's just barely edible. I'm sparing her feelings because I love her and I know how much time and effort she put into it. My kind of crazy can recognize the difference between such motivating factors for telling lies.
My favorite line ever from a movie is from "As Good as it Gets", Jack Nicholson says, "Go sell crazy some place else, we're all stocked up here."
Amen to that!
My point is that we are all crazy in one way or another. I like to surround myself with people who KNOW they are crazy, and have a sense of humor about it. People who are still in denial and hell bent on perfection, well let's just say, they're NOT my kind of crazy!