Don't get me wrong, my husband has also contributed to my current state of awesomeness (wink, wink) - but there is something to be said for just getting up and going through the motions because somebody is depending on you. Some days I struggle and some days are fine, while other days I enjoy every passing moment as an individual piece of joy. After each of my kids were born I struggled with PPD and I think it will be a struggle I will always have. Something I've learned from my kids, is that not everybody experiences everything in exactly the same way. You would think that would be obvious to anybody with a normal amount of compassion, but I do not have a normal amount of compassion. I am very hard on myself and I don't easily show emotion. I have all too often held others to the same standards I judge myself by. I was raised by a mother who constantly quoted Emily Post... if you don't know who that is, you're missing out and you MUST "Google" her immediately! I was taught social propriety from a very young age. My grammar was constantly corrected and table settings and manners were mastered by the time I was 7 years old. As a child I was always told that "Children are to be seen, but not heard." Am I a perfectionist... perhaps. I have always had a very difficult time talking to anybody about emotions. When people scream, I shut down and will not communicate with them (screaming at someone shows a HUGE lack of respect, and I refuse to endure it). When I see people cry my instinct is to walk away from them. Crying is private and unless I'm invited to speak to them, I want to leave them to it. My kids have taught me that no invitation is required to comfort one in need... however, my first instinct is always to RUN. But, my point is, that my children have taught me that just "going through the motions" can help you become a better person. Even on days when all I want to do is curl up in a ball under my covers and cry the day away, just going through the motions makes all the difference.
And these are the little KRAZIES I do it all for... Can you blame me? They're adorable! And I'm proud to be their mama! : D
